i will always regard this post as the true pinnacle of humour on tumblr.com
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
what do u call a backstabbing grocer
Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you’re doing anything with your life today.
Whenever you’re feeling down, just remember that Mulan was a real person.
Hua Mulan went to war at 15 years old and eventually led the army for almost a decade, leading countless attacks and winning victories for China. Decorated with honors, she returned home to her happy, living parents. When her army friends visited her, they found out that she was a woman and accepted it.
Next excuse for limiting women’s rights, please.